Secrets

So I’m seeing this one guy but fucking this other guy because the sex is nice.

October 20, 2019

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I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

October 20, 2019

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I’m with all my coworkers right now and they think we’re having a good time but we’re really not.

October 20, 2019

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I blacked out on Xanax the day that my mom was officially ordained as a Methodist pastor.

October 20, 2019

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One time I peed my pants while I was at school and then I said I slipped in a puddle people probably knew that it wasn’t puddle water you know… what are you gonna do?

October 20, 2019

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This one time in band camp I used to play trumpet but I didn’t know how to play the trumpet so instead of playing the trumpet I went into the bathroom major shit and then going into the bathroom I had to take a major shit, and then I took a major shit and then there was no toilet paper and then I had to leave the class without no toilet paper so then I continued to play the trumpet and then the whole classroom smelled like shit. That’s my secret guys don’t tell no one.

October 20, 2019

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It wasn’t for my work I would not be here because New York City is a disgusting hellhole full of assholes go by.

October 20, 2019

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My secret is that I once had sex with a man for money and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.

October 20, 2019

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Hello. My secret is um… I don’t have any secrets because I’m pretty private but yeah.

October 20, 2019

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2 nights ago I took a Vyvanse and drank 10 shots and convinced a bar that I was 23 and that they should hire me.

October 20, 2019

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